It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
