Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
