I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
