You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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