My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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