nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
