oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
