My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
