he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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