By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
