I bet he comes in French.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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