How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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