All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
