just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
