i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
