and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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