everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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