Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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