I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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