Just fell off a train. Bad.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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