he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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