Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
