I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are two peas in an std pod
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
