My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The struggles of a small town man whore
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
