i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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