that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
