There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
