I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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