He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
