i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
