I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
