After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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