He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
