Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
