Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
