I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
