We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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