She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
