Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
