that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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