Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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