So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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