As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
