don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
