you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
