I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
