Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
be right there i have to get my cape
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
