Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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