i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
