How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
