I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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