Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
