I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
