please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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