Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think your dad took our porno
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
