I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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