Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
