Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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