what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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