I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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