I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
