There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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