She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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