is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
