Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
