The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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