I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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