Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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