i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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