You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize